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  • How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on? ~Tom Waits, "Mr Siegal," Heartattack and Vine (Thanks, Paula) How do the angels get to sleep when the devil leaves the porch light on? ~Tom Waits, "Mr Siegal," Heartattack and Vine



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  • Resentment is an extremely bitter diet, and eventually poisonous. I have no desire to make my own toxins. ~Neil Kinnock



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  • History is but the record of the public and official acts of human beings. It is our object, therefore, to humanize our history and deal with people past and present; people who ate and possibly drank; people who were born, flourished and died; not grave tragedians, posing perpetually for their photographs. ~Bill Nye, History of the United States



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  • What is a Professor of Poetry? How can poetry be professed? ~W.H. Auden



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  • At bottom every man knows well enough that he is a unique being, only once on this earth; and by no extraordinary chance will such a marvelously picturesque piece of diversity in unity as he is, ever be put together a second time. ~Friedrich Nietzsche



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  • Life begins at retirement. ~Author Unknown



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  • I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. ~English Professor (Name Unknown), Ohio University



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  • I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.... At these times... I use the Pensieve. One simply siphons the excess thoughts from one's mind, pours them into the basin, and examines them at one's leisure. ~J.K. Rowling, "The Pensieve," Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, 2000, spoken by the character Albus Dumbledore



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  • The happiest memories are of moments that ended when they should have. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



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  • I think that I cannot preserve my health and spirits, unless I spend four hours a day at least - and it is commonly more than that - sauntering through the woods and over the hills and fields, absolutely free from all worldly engagements. ~Henry David Thoreau



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  • Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe. ~Benny Hill



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  • Americans are broad-minded people. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater, and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there is something wrong with him. ~Art Buchwald, "How Un-American Can You Get?," Have I Ever Lied to You?, 1966



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  • "I refuse to prove that I exist" says God, "for proof denies faith, and without faith, I am nothing." "Oh," says man, "but the Babel Fish is a dead give-away, isn't it? It proves You exist, and so therefore You don't. Q.E.D." "Oh, I hadn't thought of that," says God, who promptly vanishes in a puff of logic. ~Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy



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  • If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that "Members not Present" and "Subjects Discussed" were one and the same. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



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  • At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly equivalent to herding cats. ~The Washington Post Magazine, 9 June 1985



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  • The typical gambler might not really understand the probabilistic nuances of the wheel or the dice, but such things seem a bit more tractable than, say, trying to raise a child in this lunatic society of ours. ~Arthur S. Reber, The New Gambler's Bible



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  • I think that wherever your journey takes you, there are new gods waiting there, with divine patience - and laughter. ~Susan M. Watkins



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  • One of the very nicest things about life is the way we must regularly stop whatever it is we are doing and devote our attention to eating. ~Luciano Pavarotti and William Wright, Pavarotti, My Own Story



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  • That guy has muscles in places most people don't have places. ~Bucky Waters, on Tom Hammonds



    There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate. ~Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com



    I hate women because they always know where things are. ~Voltaire



    I go about looking at horses and cattle. They eat grass, make love, work when they have to, bear their young. I am sick with envy of them. ~Sherwood Anderson



    Beware the barrenness of a busy life. ~Socrates



    Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers. ~Lewis Mumford, The Brown Decades